Mr.Wise at viva examinations:
Interviewer:Why does a thicker conductor necessary to carry a current in A.C.as compared to D.C. ?
Mr.Wise:An AC current goes up and down (drawing a sinusoid) and
requires more space inside the wire, so the wire has to be thicker
External: "Why does a capacitor block DC but allow AC To pass through ?
Mr.Wise:See, a capacitor is like this ---| |--- , OK.
DC comes
straight, like this ----------, and the capacitor stops it. But AC,goes UP, DOWN, UP DOWN and jumps right over the capacitor!"
Interviewer: How will you tell if that wall outlet carries AC or DC?
Mr.Wise:I will put my finger in. If it is pushed away, it is AC. If it gets stuck, it was DC.
Interviewer: H! ow will you reverse direction of an Induction motor?
Mr.Wise:I will remove the four bolts at the x-ud, turn the motor around, and put back the bolts.
Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?
Mr.Wise:
Interviewer: Stop! Stop!
Mr.Wise:
Examiner: "What is a step-up transformer?"
Mr.Wise:"A transformer that is put on top of electric poles."
Examiner (smiling):
"And then what is a step-down transformer?"
Mr.Wise (hesitantly):"Uh - A transformer that is put in the x-udment or in a pit?"
Examiner (pouncing): "Then what do you call a transformer that is installed on the ground?"
(Mr.Wise knows he is caught-can't answer) Examiner (impatiently): "Well?"
Student (triumphantly):"A stepless transformer, sir!"
____________________________________________________________________________
Income tax officer: We should all pay our taxes with smile,
Mr.Wise: I tried it,but they asked to pay by cash
Mr.Clever: Hey, i have seen your ATM password.It is '****'
Mr.Wise:Ha ha you are wrong, it is '1234'
Newton's laws of s/w Engg
(As proposed by Mr.Wise:Just for fun)
First Law:
Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails untill and unless he is assigned work by manager.
Second Law:
The rate of change in the software quality is directly proportional to the payment received from client and the deadline time, and it takes place at the quick rate as and when deadline force is applied.
Third Law:
Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.
Mr.Cool is fixing a bomb in a car
Friend:What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Mr.Cool: Don't worry, i have one more.
Mr.Wise joined a new job.First day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Mr.Wise:Keyboard alphabets are not in order. So i made them alright.
Doctor to patient:You will die within 2hrs.Do you want to see anyone before you die.
Patient:Yes, a good doctor.
Friend: Hamare desh me 90% shaadi E-mail se hota hai.
Mr.Wise: Hamare desh me 100% FEmale se hota hai
Mr.Wise is busy removing 2 wheels from his car
Friend: Why are you removing those wheels.
Mr.Wise:Can't you see the board,Parking is only for two wheelers
Mr. Wise: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Mr. Wise: Got upper birth
Friend: Why didn’t you exchange
Mr. Wise: I tried it but there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth
Mr. Wise went to a bank to open an account
After seeing the form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up
You know why?
In the form it was mentioned that
“Fill up in Capital”
Mr. Wise had twins. He named them Tin& Martin
Again had twins and named them Peter&Repeater.
Again twins and named them Max and Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Mr. Wise named them Tired & Retired
Mr. Wise standing below a tube light with open mouth
Why? Because his doctor advised him
“Today’s dinner should be light!”
Mr. Wise, the professor of a college called a plumber to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
On a romantic day Mr. Wise’s girl friend asks him:
“Darling! On our engagement will you give me a ring?”
Mr. Wise replied:” Sure! What’s your phone number?”
What does Mr. Wise do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Mr. Wise at an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking things is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!
Mr. Wise visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Friend says” Chin Yu Yan” and dies.
Mr. Wise goes to China to find meaning of friend’s last words.
It is “You are standing on the Oxygen tube!”
Mr. Wise was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Mr. Wise: I am seeing how I look while sleeping
OFFICE HUMOR!!!!!!! NNNNNJOOOOOOOOOYY
A non-programmer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.
A programmer is convinced that there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.
Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.
Somu : public member or private?
Ramu : Hey.. My submarine is not sinking into the water!! What could be wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.
THIS ONE IS TOO GOOD!!!
PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500 rupees to Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. Why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by
value or pass by reference.
Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software engineer...
Somu : how do you say that?
Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!
Ramu : why people are beating that SW engineer black and blue?
Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vande mataram" is new kind of RAM in the market!
Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW engineer is very very naive..
Somu : How do you say that?
Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea.
Ramu : Hey.... what's time now?
Somu : System time or local time.
Humor on a term called marriage
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her .
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I got married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
--------Jokes Archived -------------------------------------------------------------
Joke-4: EYE-DOCTOR: An eye-doctor doing practice for the last 20 years in a small cube (but in the doctor's eye the small cube looks like a very big hall) since he lost his sight and added to that has hearing issues too.
An IT professional (typically an AS400 guy) went to him and asked him .. Doctor whatever I see, of late, they are appearing as two, two. Is there something wrong with my vision?
The doctor pretends to prove that he (the Doctor) has good vision and trying to manage by putting the patients into some talk. He asked the patient... what do you do in your job/what profession exactly and where do you work.
Patient replied.. Yes Doctor, I am an AS400 person, working in Friends400. (The doctor due to his hearing issue, heard/interpreted it as if the patient had come with his 400 friends. and the Doctor's vision too was so so due to which the single patient looked like 400 people).
Doctor to the patient coversation: OK..my dear..I agree you came here for your vision test.. but why the hell did you come with 400 people here? (The patient could not believe his own eyes and ears with this reply!!!).
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